ADD

My son was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, so this summer I’m sending him to a concentration camp.

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Headlines

Cell Phone Virus Leaves Hundreds Dead, Thousands Missing

A phone virus infected cell phones throughout the country today, with devastating effect. The virus left many phones inoperable, and others with impaired functionality.

So far, hundreds have been found dead and many more are missing. One distraught husband reported, “She said she couldn’t live without her cell phone. I guess she was right.”

A wife whose husband was reported missing was quoted as saying, “He couldn’t find his way anywhere without his navigation app. The last I heard from him was a text saying he had just got on the Interstate. I’m betting he’s still on it, and the app hasn’t told him he’s reached his destination yet.” Police are keeping an eye out for motorists who have run out of gas or otherwise appear lost.

 

Twelve Days of Christmas

twelve drummers drumming

is more noise than I care for

give me sleep instead

* * *

eleven pipers

cannot fix the bad plumbing

toilet backing up

* * *

ten lords a leaping

nine like to watch the ladies

one is a time lord

* * *

nine ladies dancing

ignoring the lords as they’re

already royal

* * *

eight maids a milking

sorry I failed to mention

can’t abide dairy

* * *

seven swans a swimming

making a mess of my pool

who’s going to clean it

* * *

six geese a laying

I also forgot to say

that I’m a vegan

* * *

five golden rings

not sure what to do since I’ve

got one ring finger

* * *

four calling birds

who incessantly like to

use my cell phone

* * *

three french hens

I can’t understand a word

don’t speak my language

* * *

two turtle doves

I have to really wonder

what’s with all these birds

* * *

and a partridge in

a pear tree – forget the bird

but I do like fruit

* * *

For Haiku Heights